It has been a while since I have shared my personal day to day struggles about loosing my Dad and my Nanny in the same week. My Nanny’s passing was expected, but not easy. My Dad’s passing was completely unexpected, as he was in the ICU, but every test had come back positive and they were discussing home health care and physical therapy when he went home. His heart just gave out, while he was holding my Mom’s hand. They were married for 44 years. He was revived 3 times but not four, and passed to heaven. I like to think that when my Nanny passed she gave my Father HELL for passing before her! I think they would have had a funny exchange and she would have scolded him for leaving Mom and beating her to heaven.
The recent episode of One Upon A time, TV show, Merida from BRAVE, was able to talk to her deceased Father on last time. In the past week, I have thought about doing just the same.
What would I talk to my Dad about? What would I ask of him?
E very question I came up with I already knew the answer!
Did he know I loved him? YES! No Doubt about that!
Was he proud of me? Yes! No Doubt about that either!
Every question that came to mind, I already knew the answer, My Dad and I talked all the time, and we talked about thing that mattered to us both. My Kids, Family, Life, Respect, Honesty, Love and many other thing too numerous to mention.
As I am going through questions, that I might turn back time and ask my Father before he heads to Heaven, I come to the realization that every question I am to ask of him, we have already discussed in detail, and I am fully aware of his opinions. Please understand that my Dad was straight forward and would tell you what he thought.
Then a question popped into my head that I did not have an answer for:
What can I do that will help Mom after you go to Heaven? We had never discussed this, and I stumbled because this was the only question that I would ask of him. Then immediately, the answer popped into my head:
That was it! Very simple and straight forward just like my Dad. He has a way of breaking things down to simple terms, so there is no misunderstanding! When I was young, I thought he used to do this for my benefit, but as I grew older, I realized it was a gift that he could communicate on so many different levels.
It is odd. That the one question I would have asked my Father was answered so quickly in my mind and without doubt. He knew my struggles in life and the request to help , be patient and be kind are some of the most difficult for me.
Although, it is hard, I will try!
I will try every single day!
I will help Mom everyway possible!
I will do what I say! If I offer help, I will be there! If I say I will do something. I will be there!
I will be true to my actions and word and be the daughter that you raised!
Thank you for being my Father and leaving nothing left unsaid!
That really is the Best Gift ever!